i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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