I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
