I just saw a hot homeless man
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize