Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
