is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
