she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
