So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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