Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
