its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
