On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
