Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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