Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
