I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
