Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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