Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
