I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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