Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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