His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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