He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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