this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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