Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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