what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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