Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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