was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
im on a boat
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