Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
