how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
