If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
A bitchslap is in order.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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