he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
