The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize