you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
