i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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