I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
