just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
