You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
