I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
