I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
