When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
