dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
