your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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