I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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