Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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