he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
