I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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