he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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