Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
