I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have aggressive nipples.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
