Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Randomize
