I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
