Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
