i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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