Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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