My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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