Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
