Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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