don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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