I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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