someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
