you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
