So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
