I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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