I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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