They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
