sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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