he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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