so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
