Only a mothe r could love this liver
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
