happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
