Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
