The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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