oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
