Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
